My Public Apology

Dear Vacuum Cleaner,

I want to publicly apologize for what I put you through today. I woke up deciding to clean the rooms of the little people living here, not knowing what a horrendous day it would mean for you.

I promise that I did not realize how much trash, rocks, legos, scotch tape, cereal and paper was embedded into the carpets of my little people. I am very sorry that you were forced to suck up all of such things from the carpet, no doubt shocking and jumbling the inner workings of yourself.

I realize you are a new member to my household and that you have probably realized why there is such high turnover in the carpet cleaning department here.  Please know that you are not alone.

Upon further reflection, I am taking responsibility for all of the woes that each appliance and cleaning machine must feel here. While only needing to be used a few times per year, the poor carpet cleaner has an equally tough job. I have cleaned the water/rinse tank after each carpet cleaning and it is terribly dirty. I am always shocked at the amount of dirt coming up from what seems like clean flooring. I blame the little people and the dogs, of which I have many.

The dishwashing machine has the same issues as yourself: overuse and not enough vacation time. The dishwasher, too, has had frequent turnover and for that I am regretful. No, it isn't fair to expect you to clean load after load of dishes all day and everyday, not to mention the very copious amounts of sauces and grime to wash.

The refrigerator is no better off either. It must hold lots and lots of food and milk. Did I mention milk? That milk must be chilled down quickly too. Jars are constantly being rotated around between cheese making days, and the little boy people are awfully rough while slamming closing the doors. There is also a constant smearing of fingerprints and foot prints (yes, foot prints) across your beautiful stainless steel body. I try to keep it shiny, I promise, but these little boy people are too powerful a force.

The clothes washer and dryer are also overworked and underpaid, but not under appreciated. It is not easy keeping nine people in clean clothes, and the swim season has made it even more difficult with all of the beach towels. Yes, they are heavy to wash and long to dry. I am sorry that the new puppy loves to do her business on the kitchen rugs, making them a wash item almost everyday as well. In her defense, I get busy sometimes and forget to take her outside. Her bladder is also quite tiny and I am not used to such frequent tinkle trips. Thank you though, because the rugs are always very clean and fresh once they leave the laundry room.

Sink and shower drains, I truly do feel for you having to deal with massive amounts of hair on a daily basis from keeping 5 young girl people clean and beautiful. I really do strive to help you out with my hemostats on occasion, digging and pulling out long strands of hair from your being. I apologize for the times I neglected to pull out my hair pulling tool out and was forced to load you down with hair eating chemicals to unclog your pipes. Thank you for never backing up to the point that the floors flood, and I promise to keep my hemostats close by at all times.

Oven and stove, what can I say? There is not another set of cooking appliances in town that works as hard as you both do on a daily basis. Food is always prepared in large quantities and you both always live up to the strains of meeting our meal demands.

Although I know you all might be considering a massive protest  or walk out for more vacation time, please don't quit on me. It takes a special kind of machine to help keep this home and family clean and functioning. I really do thank you for all you do, and again I apologize for what you had to go through while cleaning the rooms of my little people. It was almost too much for me as well, and well....I appreciate you coming through it for me.