Aside from the typical spring farm chores, I have spent a good deal of my energy cleaning up the front porch and attempting to sort fiber projects.
The porch is clean and ready for some serious and not so serious conversations and board games and the occasional reminiscing of happy memories.
New laying hens are officially moved into the egg mobile and the meat chicks are about to move to pasture.
We have cows happily grazing long blades of grass, a summer pasture area planted and wildflowers in the ground for the honey bees.
Did I mention that I am exhausted? This sweet baby has not been sleeping well which means I don't sleep hardly at all. I am typically a very upbeat and optimistic person but there is no tired like mama tired.
Mama tired makes you see your home as total disarray and forces you to question your very being. Isolation makes it all seem worse too. Why am I doing this again? What was the point of farming?
Mama tired. It literally drains the life and motivation from you.
There was a short break in the mama tired yesterday evening. It was a reminder to "hang on."
There was, after a few days of heavy rain, a beautiful reminder that the sun will come out and the rain will dry up.
Why am I doing all of this?
Maybe because this boy and his siblings love it and need it. Maybe because being able to walk the land and raise animals is something we all need, really.
For just a few minutes the mama tired left me and I was able to appreciate the joy and beauty of family and farm.
Perhaps like me you are frustrated and weepy and ready to quit. Perhaps you too are exhausted.
Go ahead and cry and validate your sorrow, frustration and pain. You ARE exhausted.
This life is not easy.
This life, however, is worth it.