So my plan was to write a post about the sheep. They are looking great and getting sheared in a couple of weeks.
I also have pictures and experiences to share from my latest artisan cheese class I attended.
That will all have to wait for later this week.
One day last week was National Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day.
Ironically I suffered a miscarriage on that day. So ironic.
I have never gone through this journey before and I must say it was difficult, even at just 10 weeks.
We lost a baby and we lost future dreams and plans. We lost something big. The emotions I have gone through and the emotions I am still experiencing are complex. The last 10 weeks have been filled with excitement and joy...and of course morning sickness. Now that is all over.
It was just a random miscarriage. The doctor saw nothing abnormal in my body and that gives me some relief.
My body is also trying to heal, and my hormones are trying to regulate. I am anemic and tired, and I ache.
I pulled myself together enough on Friday to spend the weekend with my mom. She knew exactly what to say. "I am sorry." Then she just listened to me sort out my feelings.
She never told me ,"At least you have 7 healthy kids." or "Well, it was for the best if the baby had a defect." or "Well, you are a little old to be having kids anyway."
She never hinted at anything other than empathy.
Today I am still trying to adjust. My body and hormones are a mess, but I am getting better each day. Deep down, although I am sad, I count it all joy.
I know my trials are not as tough as some and I also know that when a door closes, one will open.
I also have faith that this trial is part of something bigger in my future. I can't know what is down the road, but I am sure I shouldn't worry. I used this verse from the Book of James when my dad died too.
My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.
So I needed to tell everyone that my baby #8, the baby we joyfully craved, will stay heaven-side....with my dad.
That fact alone gives me peace.
Thank you to everyone local and far away for your incredible support!
Later this week...I promise a happy post about artisan cheese and sheep!