Monday, October 20, 2014

Count it all Joy

So my plan was to write a post about the sheep. They are looking great and getting sheared in a couple of weeks.
I also have pictures and experiences to share from my latest artisan cheese class I attended.

That will all have to wait for later this week.

One day last week was National Miscarriage and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day.
Ironically I suffered a miscarriage on that day. So ironic.

I have never gone through this journey before and I must say it was difficult, even at just 10 weeks.

We lost a baby and we lost future dreams and plans. We lost something big. The emotions I have gone through and the emotions I am still experiencing are complex. The last 10 weeks have been filled with excitement and joy...and of course morning sickness. Now that is all over.

It was just a random miscarriage. The doctor saw nothing abnormal in my body and that gives me some relief.

My body is also trying to heal, and my hormones are trying to regulate. I am anemic and tired, and I ache.
I pulled myself together enough on Friday to spend the weekend with my mom. She knew exactly what to say. "I am sorry." Then she just listened to me sort out my feelings.

She never told me ,"At least you have 7 healthy kids." or "Well, it was for the best if the baby had a defect." or "Well, you are a little old to be having kids anyway."

She never hinted at anything other than empathy.

Today I am still trying to adjust. My body and hormones are a mess, but I am getting better each day. Deep down, although I am sad, I count it all joy.

I know my trials are not as tough as some and I also know that when a door closes, one will open.
I also have faith that this trial is part of something bigger in my future. I can't know what is down the road, but I am sure I shouldn't worry. I used this verse from the Book of James when my dad died too.

 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials,   knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. 

So I needed to tell everyone that my baby #8, the baby we joyfully craved, will stay heaven-side....with my dad.

That fact alone gives me peace.

Thank you to everyone local and far away for your incredible support!

Later this week...I promise a happy post about artisan cheese and sheep!



  1. S
    Feeling very empathetic to your situation. I will continue to say a prayer for your healing. Hugs to you!

  2. Oh no! I'm so sorry to hear of your miscarriage. I had two myself-- at 10 wks and 5 wks-- and they are so sad. My thoughts are with you!

  3. sorry to hear such sad news. you are very strong

  4. I'm sorry to hear your sad news, you have such a great attitude xx

  5. Oh Sami, I too have felt your pain and also you peace at know the loss is part of God's greater plan. It is hard none the less and I pray you feel better soon.

  6. It is so hard, and I am so sorry. Love sent your way.

  7. I'm so sorry, Sam. Praying for you all.

  8. Sami, I can truly say I know exactly how you feel. I just suffered a miscarriage as well, and I was due exactly the same time as you (early May, right?).
    Yes indeed, we can count it all joy. Yes indeed, we serve a God who specializes in making beauty from ashes. And yes indeed, we are holding out hope for our Heavenly home, where not only will there will be no more pain, but we WILL meet the little ones we've lost along the way!
    Praying for your healing and wishing you the best - Stacey

  9. Hi Sami, sorry to hear of your miscarriage, but at the same time thankyou for being so open about it. I am past miscarriage #2 for this year and the rollercoaster ride of hope and disappointment is not a fun one. But bringing awareness to it so that others don't feel like they are a rarity is awesome, with time women will see that it is a common occurrence and statistically shouldn't affect the outcomes of the next pregnancy. Anyways, love your thoughts on this too, that the universe holds the big picture and we need to count every blessing and experience as part of our life's journey. Best wishes

  10. I am so sorry for your whole family. My thoughts and prayers that you can all find peace through such an awful loss. We lost a baby year before last and what I found even more difficult than my own emotions, was how hard the older children took it. I hope there are happier, hope and joy filled tomorrows for your family soon.

  11. I am so very sorry. Something a preacher said one time about the verse "God's grace is sufficient for me": You can't get the green grace until you experience the green trial. Red grace for the red trial. And so on. I always wondered why some people experience such horrific things and why God allowed them. So He could shed His grace, the only grace that is sufficient for that trial. So embrace that. I am not saying there is not pain or suffering or tears. But oh that wonderful grace. God is showing you a grace that He does not choose to share with everyone. That grace right there for the very pain you are in.

    There are never right words to soothe pains that run this deep. I have tears in my eyes for you and I have never met you...

  12. So sorry! Thoughts & prayers to you all!

  13. We too have a baby in heaven. Nothing hurts more. Prayers and healing vibes coming your way Sam.

  14. I'm so very sorry! I had two miscarriges myself this summer. Sending prayers and love your way.


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